Not Worried About It

Several years ago, Mom asked me to take her to visit her twin aunts, Pearl and Cordelia. Mom only drives to church, the library, the bank, and Rose’s. Any other place she goes, she sits in the passenger seat. All that to say - I got to take my mom to see Pearl and Cordelia. It wasn’t terrible and we only had to make one stop because they lived next door to each other. 

Both sisters had married carpenters who had built matching houses for their wives (they were really into the twin thing). Cordelia’s husband was also a bricklayer and had attached a pretty brick planter to the side of the front steps. In the summer, this planter was always filled with beautiful flowers.

We parked in Cordelia’s driveway, having been warned that Pearl had a doctor appointment later that day and it would be a bad idea to park anywhere near her car when she needed to move hers. It is still a mystery to some of my family how so many of my family were able to get a driver’s license in the first place, but there are some phenomena that cannot be explained, such as why someone says “don’t look” and you immediately turn your head to look, or why your nose only itches when you’re told to sit perfectly still.

The sisters were waiting for us and were “tickled to death” to see us. We had a nice visit and some tasty homemade cookies with extremely sweet tea. It was even too sweet for me, and I set the bar pretty high for sweetener in my tea. All too soon, Pearl had to leave for her appointment. We hugged her goodbye, promised to come again very soon, and park in her driveway next time. The sisters were very loving, but somewhat competitive. When we sent them birthday cards, we had to make sure that the cards cost the same amount because they compared the backs of the cards as well as the fronts and the messages inside.

It seemed like a good time to go ourselves, so we came back inside Cordelia’s house and helped her put away the refreshment leftovers. She was getting a little jar to fill with flowers from her brick planter and send home with us.  We were reaching for our purses when the house shook with a tremendous bang. Cordelia reached for her heart (like Fred Sanford used to do on Sanford and Son). Mom and I raced to the front door to see if a plane had crashed in the front yard. No, it was only Pearl. She had backed out of her driveway, kept backing in a U shape, and eventually backed all the way onto the top of Cordelia’s brick planter. 

Pearl was screaming and crying as we helped her out of the car. We kept asking her if she was hurt and all the information we could get out of her was that all the neighbors saw it happen. Mom told her not to worry about stuff like that. “Oh, I’m not worried about it,” Pearl cried.  Cordelia came running out of the house with her tea pitcher – and why? We never really knew, but it appeared that she was going to put out any fires caused by a plane crashing in her front yard.

She ran to her sister and asked if she was hurt. Pearl declared that she was not hurt, but she would swear that Hortense across the street had seen the whole thing and was on the phone right this minute telling everyone she knew what had just happened. Cordelia told her not to worry about stuff like that. “Oh, I’m not worried about it,” Pearl cried. 

Mom thought we ought to check Pearl for any bumps or bruises, just to be on the safe side. Pearl declared that she hoped there were some injuries so Hortense would feel bad for making fun of her. Mom and Cordelia told her not to worry about stuff like that. “Oh, I’m not worried about it,” Pearl cried.  We were beginning to see a pattern. Mom took Pearl’s right arm and I held onto her left arm as we helped her back inside Cordelia’s house. Pearl started to cry as she saw Cordelia’s beautiful flowers crowded under the bumper of her car.

We didn’t ask how a couple of petunias managed to get tucked into Pearl’s shoes. Pearl cried harder when she saw how the bumper of her car had interfaced with the brick planter. “My husband will kill me when he sees that bumper!” We told her not to worry about that. You know by now what she said: “Oh, I’m not worried about it.” Then she saw the broken bricks and cried even harder, wondering if she had broken the entire front of Cordelia’s house and knocked it off its foundation. Cordelia assured her that her husband had repaired more badly damaged houses than this and she didn’t need to worry about that. “Oh, I’m not worried about it.”

Yes, we knew that already.

Mom and I decided to stay until the husbands came home, just in case Pearl should’ve been worried about it after all. Pearl’s husband wisely said nothing and just patted her fat little hand. Cordelia’s husband rubbed his chin, walked around the car which was still attached to the brick planter, and declared that he could get the planter fixed the next day. Car repair would be a job for someone else. The two husbands got their pickup trucks, some ropes and pulleys, and gently eased Pearl’s car off the planter.  The back bumper was kind of cute with little petunias in various colors sticking out in all directions.

When Pearl saw Hortense pulling the curtains back from her kitchen window yet again, she put on a little drama and fainted delicately into her husband’s arms. Naturally, we all crowded around her to see if she was okay. “Is Hortense still looking?” Pearl whispered. “DON’T be obvious about it!” Mom sort of looked over her shoulder as if she were trying to locate her purse, and saw Hortense gawking out the window with the phone in her hands. “Yes, Hortense is still looking,” Mom advised. Pearl smiled and told us not to panic; she was fine, just giving Hortense something better to tell the gossips on her street.

But she wasn’t worried about it.