Ugly Girl!

My first job was working in after school daycare at my church. Fern and Nadine taught the 4-year-old class during the day and at 4:00 their shift was up and it was my turn to have fun. We really did have fun. I didn’t have to teach the children anything except to not slap their little friends, pick their noses, or repeat the colorful words they heard their dads say. The pay was next to nothing, but it was good experience and my parents paid all my bills anyway. Actually, I didn’t have any bills. I was a minor and didn’t understand the concept of bills yet.

Nadine was an okay lady. She had a daughter my age and understood things like acne and teenage heartthrobs. But Fern didn’t seem to like me very much. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was definitely something about me she didn’t like. She wouldn’t speak to me and if I accidentally moved into her field of vision she would aim her eyes in another direction. Very strange. I was always able to figure out why other people didn’t like me (and there were actually a few people who didn’t like me – well, maybe more than a few), but not Fern. It was a mystery, but one that didn’t keep me awake at night.

I graduated high school, graduated after school daycare, and graduated from Fern’s life. I don’t think she noticed and I certainly didn’t give it much thought. Several years went by and Hubby ended up teaching at the very church school where I had once worked. It was his first teaching assignment and he loved teaching algebra to some pretty cool kids. And then it was time for the annual faculty Christmas party. Spouses were invited.

I was looking forward to the party. I had known most of the faculty for years and gone to church with many of them. I couldn’t wait to catch up on their families and what everyone was up to. The party was just getting started when Hubby and I arrived. We hung up our coats and started mingling.

And I ran right into Fern. I turned to get out of her way and she pinned both of my arms back. Her face lit up as if she was happy to see me. I just didn’t get it.

“Is it really you? You look absolutely gorgeous!” She actually gushed. She certainly was making up for lost time. “You were as ugly as a mud fence and now look at you! I can’t believe how much you have changed! I mean, it hurt my face to look at you when you were a teenager and now, I actually am enjoying talking to you!” Mystery solved. When I was moving into her field of vision she was protecting her retinas as she looked away. And I was desperately trying to get out of her field of vision at this party. And people were starting to stare – not the kind of attention I wanted. But Fern wasn’t finished with me. She had to show me off to her husband.

“Herb! Herb! Come over here! You’ve got to see this!”

This? I never considered myself a ‘this’. Herb sauntered over holding an empty plate. I had never met Herb. I saw this as no great loss. Herb seemed to feel the same way about me. “Whudju want?” Fern wrapped an arm around me – wow, we were up to the touching stage – whirled me around to face Herb, and asked him if he remembered me. No, he didn’t remember me.

“Don’t you remember her? She was that ugly girl who worked in the after school daycare for us. She was the ugliest girl you ever saw and now look at her. Isn’t she amazing?” Herb said ‘sure’ and wandered over to the chocolate pound cake and coffee area. He set his empty dessert plate down, scratched his little tummy with both hands, then helped himself to some more cake. Fern told me once more how she couldn’t get over my transformation and finally walked over to a different group of people, probably planning to ruin someone else’s evening while there was still time.

I just stood there in shock for a while. All I had done was switch glasses for contacts and get a haircut. That must’ve been one ugly pair of glasses and definitely not my hair style.

It was a quiet ride home. I couldn’t speak. I tried to speak, but there really were no words. I just kept opening and closing my mouth – sort of like a flounder. Hubby tried to assure me that Fern was giving me a compliment the only way she knew how. I had that part figured out. What bothered me was thinking about the multitude of little 4-year-olds she had ‘complimented’ all those years. Did she compliment them as thoroughly as she had complimented me? Where were they now? In therapy? Prison? 

Fern and I haven’t crossed paths since. I’m terribly glad about that. My body has a more matronly look now than it did back then and I gave up the contacts when bifocals became a necessity. I guess if Fern were to see me like this, she would race Herb over to the pound cake and coffee area, or anywhere to get me out of her line of sight. But I just want to say, in confidence, that Fern was no beauty contest winner herself.